The funny side of each sign

We are all different, we know that, after all we are "individuals". But in a curious way, some people fall into categories with peculiarities, for example, act similarly in a given situation.

Some peculiarities, for those who believe, are defined by the sign of the person. Truth? Give it a read in this fun horoscope and see if you fit the descriptions. Very valid to know a little more about that "target of our attention," or simply our coworkers. Have fun! This "Horoscope" is not meant to offend anyone but exaggerate some of the peculiarities of each sign, so funny, with great humor and simplicity.


Aries (21/3 - 19/4):

One. Quote: 'I do not know what I want, just know that I want NOW!'
2nd. What to expect from your partner Aryan:
For Aries, what matters is winning. The challenge of getting your loved one is their primary motivation. May lose interest when achieves his goal. He likes to take risks, which could cause him to become involved in love triangles.
3rd. The Aryan says that after sex, 'Cool, let's again!'
4th. How to annoy an Aryan:
Talk to them giving a huge pause between words. Do not let them talk, or, if they speak, cutting through the middle.
5th. As the Aryan prays before bed:
'Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW! '
6th. Why the Aryan cross the road?
Certainly mouth to hit with someone who was on the other side.
7th. You were robbed and Aries ....
Punches on the table and says:
'What the fuck! You can not walk down the street quieter these days! '
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Aryan:
'Move over, Hey asshole!'
9th. How many Arians it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it will take many lamps.

Catching HEAVY WITH ARIANO:

You stuck to honest, sincere and feels a natural leader. The problem is that you do everything backwards and can not influence anyone. You like going to a certain place and 'kick some asses' .. That makes you a complete ignoramus. In fact, you mess everywhere tidy passing. Simply because you want to do things his way even if it is at the base of a beating. What you really want is power. You want to come to power or to have that f ..... everyone around her. The fate of the other zodiac signs is that you can never come to power. Lack intelligence!

The professions typical Aryan: Traffic Cop, Football Referee, jiu-jitsu fighter.


Bull (20/4 - 20/5):

One. Quote: 'Love in a hut? Only if it is 5 STARS '.
2nd. What Taurus waiting for her partner:
The emphasis is on the practical part of the relationship: who will pay the bill, where they will live, the stability that the relationship brings, and sensual satisfaction that the partner can provide, are in bed or at the table.
3rd. What Taurus says after sex: 'I'm hungry - pass the pizza'
4th. How to annoy a Taurus:
Spend their money, ask to give a bite to your sandwich or in your apple waste your material, do not return your stuff.
5th. As Taurus prays before bed:
'God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT NOW'.
6th. Why Taurus crossed the street?
Because encasquetou with the idea.
7th. You were robbed and Taurus ....
Comment without worrying too much:
'Ah, it is important that you are well .. Go up rings OS, but OS fingers are ... '
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Taurus:
'I have everything I love ... But it is a matter of time and patience ... '
9th. How many Taureans are needed to change a lightbulb?
None. Taureans do not like to change anything.

Gemini (21/5 - 20/6):

One. Quote: 'I hate gossip ... But ... already told you last? '
2nd. What Gemini waiting for your partner:
For Gemini what counts is the companionship, having someone to talk to exchange ideas, and especially to hear him. Would you like to find your twin or lookalike intellectual. Want to feel free to come and go as you wish.
3rd. What Gemini says after sex: 'Have you seen the remote?'
4th. How to annoy a Gemini:
Trouble-OS with tears and long monologues about their emotional life. Do not talk to him at all.
5th. As Gemini prays before bed:
'Hey God ... Or goddess? ... Who are you? ... What are you? ... Where are you? ... How many of you are there? I can not imagine! '
6th. Why Gemini cross the road?
If he knows not, how do I know?
7th. You were robbed and Gemini ....
'It' amazing the price we pay to live in an urban ... And that crime is frightening, because the differences are accentuated social and blah blah blah '... (FICA talking for half an hour)
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Gemini:
'Do not follow me, I change the destination at any time'
9th. How many Geminis take to change a lightbulb?
Two (of course). Will last the whole weekend, but when you are ready, the lamp will do the job DA House, speak French and be THE color you want.


Cancer (21/6 - 22/7):

One. Quote: 'Lar ... My sweet HOME! '
2nd. What Cancerians expect from your partner:
Looking for someone who can take care of nurture, pamper like a baby. Also seeking the safety that the relationship can give and someone who can tolerate his mood swings, merry one hour, one hour, depressed.
3rd. What Cancerians says after sex: 'When we get married?'
4th. How to annoy a Cancerian:
Insult his mother (with class, of course). Critique your home. Warn him that he might lose his job. Say that family photo hanging in the room is tacky and confuse the picture of 'dear grandmother' with Mike Tyson.
5th. Like the Cancerian prays before bed:
'Dear Daddykins, I know I should not depend on both of you, but you're the Only person I can always count on, while my insurance blanket is being washed.'
6th. Why Cancerians cross the road?
Why was feeling "alone" and abandoned this side.
7th. You were robbed and Cancerians ....
Worried, will comfort you:
'Sit here ... Are you okay? Surely not hurt? Want a glass with sugar deágua? '
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Cancerian:
'I have everything I love, but I love everything'
9th. How many Cancerians are needed to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But it takes a therapist three years to help you through the process.

Leo (23/7 - 22/8):

One. Quote: "Formerly I was conceited, but now I'm healed and PERFECT! '
2nd. What to expect from your partner Leo:
Searching someone to share their creative ideas, likes children and wants to have children. Generally longer want an audience to applaud him or a playmate than a true love.
3rd. What Leo says after sex: 'It was incredibly fantastic?'
4th. How to annoy a Leo:
Ignore them. Forget their name and ask 'What is your name again?'. In public, do not submit them to important people.
5th. As the Leonine prayers before bed:
'Hi, Daddy! I can bet as you're really proud to have me as their son! '
6th. Why Leo crossed the street?
To raise awareness, out in newspapers, magazines, etc..
7th. You was robbed and the Leo ....
'I'll get this motherfucker!' ... And rushes out the door.
Eight. Adhesive for glass car leonine:
'Everything I love me'
9th. How many Leos are needed to change a lightbulb
A Leo lamps not return unless he hold the bulb and the world revolves around him.


Virgo (23/8 - 22/9):

One. Quote: "I told you that I am SUPER DEMOCRAT ... But because you have not done what I ordered? '
2nd. What to expect from your partner Virgo:
Search a functional relationship where predominates the order, cleanliness, and good sense, someone that makes everything runs as it should be, without leaving the routine, and no major setbacks.
3rd. What Virgo says after sex: 'I need to wash the sheets'
4th. How to annoy a Virgo:
Whine enough. Litter your home, disrupt your schedule, remember to tighten the toothpaste. Given the bathroom cabinet, ask: 'so much medication?'.
5th. As Virgo prays before bed:
'Dear God, please make the world a better place, and do not destroy it like you did last time. "
6th. Why Virgo cross the road?
He has not gone through because it is measuring the width of the street, the speed of the cars, if this experience is valid, what would be the best time to cross the street, etc..
7th. You were robbed and Virgo ....
Running, worried:
'You sure you do not call a doctor and better? Or measuring the temperature? '
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Virgo:
'Do not follow me. I need to go to the doctor '
9th. How many Virgos are needed to change a lightbulb? Let's see: one to turn the bulb, one to note when the lamp burned and the date it was purchased, another to decide who was to blame for the lamp has been burned, ten to decide to remodel the house while the rest of the bulb exchange ...

Libra (23/9 - 22/10):

One. Quote: 'Justice is slow, but not crash, because it's always ME'.
2nd. What Libra waiting for your partner:
Search mutual appreciation and equality commitments and obligations between the parties. His ultimate goal is cooperation, having someone to share and admire. He hates people rude, aggressive or clumsy beside her.
3rd. What Libra says after sex: 'I liked you too like'
4th. How to annoy a Libra:
Say enough - 'It's up to you, decide soon!'. Take them to places ugly. Aja rudely in public, pick boogers, burp, speak words, turn beer on the table, call the waiter by name.
5th. As Libra prays before bed:
'Dear God, I know I should make my own decisions, but on the other hand, what YOU think?'
6th. Why Libra cross the road?
He did not have to go through. Someone just offering a ride for him.
7th. You were robbed and Libra ....
'Ah, folks, it was nothing, just a assaltozinho for nothing ... I myself have gone through five '..
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Libran:
'I have everything I love, but I will get to know on a Saturday night'
9th. How many Librans are needed to change a lightbulb?
Well, actually I do not know. I think it depends on when the lamp was burned. Maybe just one, if it is a bulb, but maybe two if one does not know where to find the lamp, or ...


Scorpio (23/10 - 21/11):

One. Quote: "I'm super LIBERAL ... but where did you EVEN? '
2nd. What Scorpios waiting for your partner:
Want to mix your emotional baggage and equipment with the partner and expects it to be more adaptable to sudden and extreme changes that may occur in common life, for example, their fits of jealousy.
3rd. What Scorpio says after sex: "Perhaps I should untie you now '
4th. How to annoy a Scorpio:
Make personal questions. Learn a lot about them and can be understood. Get more successful than them and brag. Repeat forever: - 'That's none of your business!'
5th. As Scorpio prays before bed:
'Dear God, help me to forgive my enemies, even if the crooks do not deserve.'
6th. Why Scorpios cross the road?
Because it was forbidden.
7th. You were robbed and Scorpio ....
He says to himself, disgusted: - 'It is at these times that is good going armed ...'
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Scorpio:
'Do not' own 'everything I love, but I love everything' possess'. And take good care of close '
9th. How many Scorpios are needed to change a lightbulb?
But who cares? Why 'You' you know what? Are you a cop?

Sagittarius (22/11 - 21/12):

One. Quote: 'I told you 1,000,000 times that EXAGGERATION NEVER!'
2nd. The arrowhead in the hopes of your partner:
Search share his idealism and sense of justice with another. A relationship must include a sense of adventure, like traveling, studying, learning. The partner has to know to understand their need for freedom, escape from your routine and acute frankness.
3rd. What Sagittarius says after sex: 'Do not call me - I'll call you'
4th. How to annoy a Sagittarian:
Give them plenty of responsibilities. Put realism in his philosophy. Never laugh at their jokes. Not tope no adventure or break routine and is always in a bad mood.
5th. As Sagittarians prays before bed:
'OH omnipotent, omniscient, ALL LOVING, ALL POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I ASK YOU ONCE, I'M ASKING FOR HUNDREDS OF TIMES, HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!'
6th. Why are Sagittarians cross the road?
Because the idea seemed and felt like manner.
7th. You were robbed and Sagittarius ....
'Let's complaint in the police!'
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Sagittarius:
'I have everything I love, but nothing that has me loves me'
9th. How many Sagittarians are needed to change a lightbulb?
The sun is shining, it's early, we have a whole life ahead, and you're worried about stupid change a lightbulb?

Capricorn (22/12 - 19/1):

One. Quote: 'TODAY took over as deputy director of a company that will organize and be successful in 10 YEARS'.
2nd. What Capricorns expect from your partner:
Searching a partner who is balanced and can help you achieve a position of prominence and status in life. The loyalty and support are more important to him than the passion.
3rd. What Capricorn says after sex: 'You have your business card?'
4th. How to annoy a Capricorn:
Organize everything to make them feel worthless. Remind them of their low social status. Embarrass them in public: do scandals, shout with them. Let them wait, never arrives on time.
5th. As Capricorn prays before bed:
'Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I should figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway. '
6th. Why Capricorn cross the road?
Because it was a bargain in shops across.
7th. You were robbed and Capricorn ....
'As took?'
Eight. Stickers for car glass of Capricorn:
'I have everything I love, and work hard to make even more'
9th. How many Capricorns are needed to change a lightbulb?
None. Capricorns do not change light bulbs - unless it is a lucrative business.



Aquarium (20/1 - 18/2):

One. Quote: 'I'm saving money to build a beautiful house there in OUR MOON'.
2nd. What Aquarians expecting your partner:
Search friend and lover who is socially adaptable, have social concerns, like his friends, and is not sticky. Attaches great importance to freedom and intellectual affinity within a relationship.
3rd. The Aquarian says that after sex, 'Now let's try without clothes'
4th. How to annoy an Aquarian:
Become a personal and intimate. When you find them, take a long hug and keep hitting it against his chest, emotional, tearful. Insist that they connect several times a day to position them of his movements.
5th. As the Aquarian prays before bed:
"Hi, God! Some say you are a man. Others say that you are a woman. I say that we are all GOD. So why pray? Let's have a party! '
6th. Why Aquarian cross the road?
Because this is part of an experience that will bring countless technological advancements in the future.
7th. You were robbed and Aquarius ....
'Ah, guys, now that everybody's okay, because we have not forgotten this story and we play Monopoly?'
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Aquarian:
'I have everything I love, but I'm not give a fuck to posses'
9th. How many Aquarians are needed to change a lightbulb?
Will spawn hundreds, all competing to see who will be the one to bring light to the world.


Fish (19/2 - 20/3):

One. Quote: 'Yesterday was DOUBTS, today ... I DO NOT KNOW! '
2nd. What Pisces expect from your partner:
Search a loving protector, a kindred spirit, a spiritual person, you know accepting his humor and his ever-changing need for solitude and privacy. Ah! And who likes animals ..
3rd. What Pisces says after sex: "What you said was your name again? '
4th. How to annoy a Pisces:
Tell cling to themselves and forget the other. Mark encounter with them in bright places, noisy, overcrowded, as the subway Let the Cathedral talking nonstop and at the end say you did not understand anything.
5th. As Pisces prays before bed:
'Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to forget my pain and my suffering, my drinking may serve to increase your Honor and Glory'.
6th. Why Pisces cross the road?
What street? Ih, is ...
7th. You were robbed and Pisces ....
'Take this amulet guard with you ... Protects against assaults ... '
Eight. Adhesive for glass car Pisces:
'Do not follow me. I do not remember where I was going '
9th. How many Pisceans are needed to change a lightbulb?
What? Light is off?





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